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  “Yay! Mom and Dad are here!” She was so happy about it. “Hurry up and change! I am going to say hi.”

  She ran out of the room and shut the door behind her. I didn’t blame her. I would have been out of that house even faster if I didn’t have to change my shirt. Her family was perfect, like my family used to be.

  I loved going over to Lexus’ house. I liked her family’s swimming pool, their nice garden, the fact that they always went out to eat, and that they were genuinely kind people.

  I grabbed my overnight bag and ran out of my bedroom. I was just as excited as Lexus about her parents being here. They were rescuing me for the weekend. I tried not to think about Nicholas and Alison. I wanted to get away. I had to go, whether I was being selfish or not. Excited and anticipating, I ran to the edge of the short stairwell that led to the front door and jumped those five steps. I reached out to push the screen door open. Breaking my rush and joy, I ran into Jack. He grabbed me.

  “What are you doing?” he asked.

  “Sorry,” I told him, not making eye contact.

  “It’s okay. Where are you going with that bag?”

  I looked over at Lexus and her parents as they talked to Mom beside their car. They were laughing and not even looking my way. I was just a few yards away from freedom. I started to panic inside, but I had to keep cool.

  “Lexus’ swimming pool is finally finished. Mom said that I could go up to Alpharetta this weekend to check it out if Lexus’ parents didn’t mind.” I wondered if he was going to make a scene and fuss at Mom in front of them for saying that I could go. He seemed to hate it when I was happy about going over to their house.

  “Oh, okay,” he said with a smile. “So you’ll be back with your own family tomorrow, right?”

  “No, I’ll be back on Sunday. Mom said I could stay all weekend.” I was afraid that he would tell me I had to come back tomorrow.

  “Hmm.”

  “What?” I asked, afraid.

  He looked over at Mom and glared at her. “Nothing,” he said. “Go, have fun.” He gave me a peck on the cheek and then pushed past me into the house.

  I sighed, relieved. Alison cried that she wanted to go swim in the new pool. Mom told her we’d all go next time. I hugged Nicholas. He seemed angry.

  “I wanted to spend the night in your room tonight. We can watch movies all night like we always do on Fridays,” he told me.

  I kissed his cheek. I wasn’t going to let myself get sad.

  “Next time, Nickyroo,” I told him.

  I didn’t say any more. I got in the car with Lexus as she shouted loudly to her father that she was starving. Her parents said goodbye to Mom, Alison, and Nick.

  They got into the car, and we were off. As Lexus began telling them about everything she wanted to tell them, I stared at Jack as he watched us from the living room window. The look on his face confused me. I couldn’t tell if he was angry or not. He seemed distant. He looked like a little kid who wanted to go out and play, but it was too rainy outside.

  “Hmm,” he had said. His words had come out dark and hard. He had glared at Mom.

  Nick had said that he wanted to stay with me that night. He seemed afraid. I became afraid. What had I done? Selfish and stupid Kristen! I suddenly wanted to go back home. But it was too late. We had already made the turn onto the highway by the time I got myself to calm down inside.

  I felt a sharp pain. I looked down and realized I was twisting that butterfly between my fingers. Blood ran down my fingers and dripped onto my clothes. Lexus was so caught up in her conversation with her parents that she didn’t notice. I didn’t care. It was better that way. Mr. Sharp didn’t say much aloud back then, anyway.

  I quickly stuffed the silver butterfly pendant into my pocket. The nurse came back into the room just as I was concealing it. She didn't notice. The nurse said that it was time to go. When I came out of the room, Mom was gone.

  “Where is my Mom?” I asked.

  “She went home,” the nurse told me.

  “But I didn’t get to-” I made myself shut up.

  “Come on. I’ll show you where you will be staying.” Nurse Habersham escorted me out of the examining area and into a different part of the hospital. It was the residential part.

  The lights were dim, and it was so quiet in that part of the hospital. The nurse asked me to try to whisper if I had to talk, because it was after hours and she didn’t want to wake anyone up. We passed through the residential area and got on an elevator. She used a key to access and operate it. I guessed that they had to use key access so that nobody would escape. When we arrived on the seventh floor, I saw a large sign that read Adolescent Ward.

  We stepped off the elevator, and another person came to meet us. This woman said that she was a counselor. Her name was Ms. Mosley.

  Before Nurse Habersham left, she told me, “Your mother told me to tell you good night and that she’ll see you soon as she can.”

  I was still confused as to why Mom had left without telling me goodbye herself. I didn’t ask Nurse Habersham. I let her go. The nurse didn’t have key access to the Adolescent Ward, so she went back onto the elevator and left me there with Ms. Mosley. The counselor escorted me through the double doors and onto the Adolescent Ward.

  “Let me explain a few things to you,” Ms. Mosley began, as she led the way. “First of all, I know you are probably wondering why your mother could not come up here with you. She had to go because, from the point of admittance, you can’t have visitors until the doctor puts it in your chart. You are what we call a Level One right now. That means you are restricted to this ward unless you are going to therapy or to your bedroom. Follow me, and I will show you to your room.”

  I followed behind her. We walked through a large living room with a television, tables, chairs, and board games sitting on the tables. A large, semi-circular area that was divided from the room by a high counter had a sign that read Counselor’s Desk. The desk overlooked the living room. Double doors were to my right with a sign that read Boys’ Unit. I shuddered at the thought that there could be boys in this ward too. Through the large living room to the other side was another set of double doors with a sign that read Girls’ Unit. Ms. Mosley held the door open for me as I carried my suitcase and almost struggled to tag along. I felt physically and mentally tired.

  Ms. Mosley didn’t turn on the lights when we walked into the room. She kept the door open and let the hallway light shine in. I sat my bag at the edge of the bed like she told me to. She told me not to worry about putting any clothes away. She said I could put my things away in the morning. She told me to try to get some rest because wake up time was at seven a.m. When I looked at my watch, I saw that wake up time was only six hours away. I didn’t realize how late it was.

  I lay down in the bed. It was cold in there. I curled up under the useless, thin, white blanket as Ms. Mosley said good night and closed the door. The light from the hallway started to disappear, and soon it became completely dark in the room. My eyes wouldn’t adjust, so I closed them.

  I tried to take all of this into my memory. I wanted to remember what it looked like and what it smelled like. There was a smell to that place. It wasn’t like a smell that stunk, nor was it a sweet smell. You could never forget a smell like that. It was a smell that all hospitals had. It began to creep me out. It was as if the smell was there for me to remember, so that I would never forget where I was or what I had done.

  CHAPTER 6

  In the morning, I heard footsteps in the bedroom. I still had the thin, white blanket over my face. I lifted the blanket from my face to see to whom the footsteps belonged. When I did, I only saw bright sunlight, shining directly in my eyes. I pulled the blanket back over my face.

  “No! Get up!” a loud voice shouted. I looked up, and Ms. Mosley was standing over me. “Come on! Get some socks on your feet, and come get your vitals checked! It’s time to get up!” She yelled even louder.

  Prison! I knew it! I was already gett
ing yelled at. Ms. Mosley was different from the night before. She was now being loud, serious, and stern. Her hands were cold when she touched my arm while pulling me up off the bed. She had long nails that dug into my skin. She didn’t even attempt to leave until she saw that I was up and out of bed.

  On her way to out of the room, she tapped on the bathroom door. She yelled, “Janine, you know what’s going down! Don’t let me come back in here in five minutes and see that you’re still in that bathroom. Hurry up so you can get your vitals checked and eat breakfast.”

  Janine was my roommate. I hadn’t noticed her when I had come in last night. I had arrived so late. I hadn’t fallen asleep, but I had been tired. I was still tired. I couldn’t believe I was expected to be all bright-eyed and welcoming the sun.

  I slowly dressed into my socks. I was able to keep most of my things after the nurses had raided my bag. I saw that I had my robe in there, but no robe belt. Oh, that’s right, I thought, so that I wouldn’t hang myself. I noticed that I was still wearing my clothes from the day before. I wanted to shower and change my clothes, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to without wetting the stitches in my wrists.

  Ms. Mosley stormed back into the room. She banged on the bathroom door, yelling, “That’s enough, Janine! I am coming in.”

  Ms. Mosley opened the door, and a tall, dark-haired, skinny girl came out. She had rosy cheeks and looked like she could have been one of those teen magazine models.

  “See, I’m finished. Here’s my make-up kit.” The girl handed Ms. Mosley a small pink bag. “Gosh, that’s all I was doing. You’d think the world was coming to an end, the way you were screaming.”

  “Humph,” Ms. Mosley grunted. “Five minutes, Janine. That’s all it takes. You know better.”

  The girl rolled her eyes and threw herself carelessly on her bed. She looked up at Ms. Mosley, whose arms were folded across her chest.

  Ms. Mosley grunted again. “No! Get up, Janine! You have to get your vitals checked. Come on!” Ms. Mosley yanked Janine up as Janine squealed, seemingly frustrated. It looked like she had a death grip on the poor girl’s arm. Janine snatched her arm away, cursing her and storming out of the room.

  I swallowed hard as Ms. Mosley started towards me. “Hurry up. We have to get your vitals, too.” She turned away and left me there.

  I sighed in relief. I was glad that she’d stopped yelling. My head was ringing. I slipped on my shoes and walked out of the room. I was all right until I walked through the double doors and saw a living room full of teenagers. They were standing around, talking, and getting together in groups. Some of them were watching cartoons on TV and some were in line, waiting to get their vital signs checked. I nervously stepped into line behind my roommate, and a tall, somewhat heavy-set boy came up and stood behind me. I started to feel crowded and closed in. I stepped out of the line and sort of stood next to my roommate.

  When it was Janine’s turn to get checked, Ms. Mosley made her sit down, and she began checking her blood pressure first.

  “How are you feeling today, Janine?” Ms. Mosley asked.

  “Better. Can I go home?” my roommate said as she looked up at Ms. Mosley with a smile.

  “Sure! You can go home, Janine,” Ms. Mosley responded. “Just do me one favor first.”

  “What’s that? Anything for you, Ms. Mosley,” she sarcastically responded.

  Ms. Mosley leaned down and looked Janine in her face. “You know what you can do for me, Precious? Why don’t you eat all of your breakfast this morning, and your lunch, along with your dinner? If you do that for me today, I will see what I can do about getting your doctor to let you go home.”

  Janine rolled her eyes and sat back silently as Ms. Mosley put a thermometer in her mouth. The thermometer beeped, and she released it from the plastic probe protector. Janine got up angrily with the plastic probe in her mouth.

  “Throw that away, Janine!” Ms. Mosley yelled to her.

  Janine kept walking away. She stopped at the trash can and spit the plastic probe into it. Turning to Ms. Mosley, she smiled prissily. Ms. Mosley returned the smile with just as much prissiness. She then turned to me and motioned for me to sit down where Janine had been sitting. The boy behind me pushed me along like he was getting impatient. I sat down. She began taking my blood pressure.

  When she finished taking my temperature, she told me to go on so that the next person could be checked. The boy behind me nearly knocked me over trying to get me out of the way. I stood off to the side. Nervously, I watched all of the other kids who were there. They didn’t look sick. Some of them looked pale. Nobody seemed as if they really cared that they were at Bent Creek. They talked to each other, laughed, and made jokes. It was just like at school.

  I began to feel shy and alone. I wanted to try to sneak back to my room, but Ms. Mosley was watching me. I was starting to think that the kids would look at me and find something to laugh about. They would say that I looked funny, or that I didn’t fit in. I hadn’t really had any friends in high school. I hadn’t even had a boyfriend.

  Mom had thought I was crazy for wanting to home school. She had asked, “What about the pep rallies and the football games? What about Homecoming and your Senior Prom? Oh, wait, and the Writing Club? What about the Writing Club? You love being in your Writing Club. I know those were things that you were crazy about.”

  I was not crazy about those things. Those things made me crazy. I loved the Writing Club, but I hated the pep rallies. I never went to a football game. There was no chance that I’d ever be nominated for Homecoming Queen, and no one would ever ask me to Prom.

  I’d told Mom that home schooling would give me more of a challenge than regular school. I’d told her that I had felt that public school just wasn’t getting me through, and that I’d work and be able to pay for it myself, and even be able to help her out with a few bills. After I’d told her that, she was excited about it.

  I’d been in public high school until the end of my sophomore year. I’d left and had started home school when John had left. He and Lexus had graduated two years before me. I hated school. I hated being stared at and teased by the other kids. I hated to be singled out. I was always alone.

  There I was in Bent Creek, feeling trapped. It felt like a school that I couldn’t escape. My mind started racing with uncontrollable thoughts. I knew they all could see the bandages around my wrists. They’ll know everything. They’ll call me weird. They’ll make fun of me, I thought to myself.

  “Hey,” said a voice from beside me. I turned, and big, brown eyes stared back at me.

  “We’re roommates,” said the pretty girl.

  “Hi,” I said.

  “I’m Janine. Bulimic Manic Depressive,” she introduced herself. “Come over here with me. Meet our group.”

  I hesitated. Before I could decline, she yanked my hand and pulled me over to a table full of other people. At the table were three girls and two boys. Janine went over to another table and yelled for one of the boys to help her push the tables together to make room for me. When they finished setting up, Janine and I grabbed a chair and sat down.

  Janine looked around at everyone and said, “Hey, you guys, this is my roommate. Her name is – wait, what’s your name?”

  Still looking down and not making eye contact, I told her that my name was Kristen.

  “Okay, this is Kristen. Kristen, this is Daniel, Tai, Chris, Cadence, and Lenni.”

  “Hey, Kristen, welcome to The Insane Part Two,” said Chris. He was trying to be funny and nice.

  I couldn’t smile. I was too nervous. I looked away from his smile.

  “Thanks,” I said in a low voice.

  “When did you get here?” Janine asked.

  “Early this morning,” I told her.

  “That check in stuff takes way too long,” Janine sympathized with me.

  “Man, I need a cigarette,” a very shaky and sleepy-looking guy said.

  I looked up at him. He was the first boy in a long time
that I had seen with long hair. He didn’t seem to care that it was long and hanging down. His hair half-covered his eyes, but I could see them, very bright and beautiful. His name was Daniel. When Daniel looked up at me, he caught me staring. I quickly looked back down, away from his beautiful eyes.

  “I hear that,” Tai agreed with him. Tai had a tanned complexion. She was very even-toned and had wild, curly, sandy-brown hair. She was thin. When she smiled, her teeth were yellow. It was obvious that a simple toothbrush wouldn’t get the job done.

  Cadence was a very pale girl. She had straight, short, black hair. She didn’t say much. She mostly stared off into nothing. Her lips were bright pink. She wore heavy eyeliner around her big, dark brown eyes. Cadence held on tightly to a doll. The doll looked like it was made of smooth white resin. It had long, black hair that was all matted up on one side. And it had one creepy looking stitched-up eye. The eye that wasn’t stitched up was beady and red. I tried not to stare at it.

  Chris had chin-length blonde hair and could pass for one of those California surfer boys with the way he looked and dressed if he had a surfboard in his front pocket.

  Daniel, Tai, and Lenni were the angry ones of the group. I sensed that Daniel would have been more pleasant if he wasn’t shaking so badly, and if he had a cigarette. Lenni was angry because she felt that she didn’t need to be at Bent Creek. She told us the story about how, when she had been twelve, she had written letters about wanting to run away from home. Her mother had found them and had stuck her in Bent Creek. Her mother was somehow convinced that she was going to run away.

  Janine seemed sweet. She tried to calm Lenni down by telling her to tell her doctor that the letters were old and that she didn’t feel like running away. While Janine was talking, Chris started swearing angrily at Cadence. Cadence looked over at me and stared. Chris stopped and apologized. Cadence didn’t care. She and her one eyed doll just kept staring at me. I began to feel creeped out.